It is 54 degrees in Eugene, Oregon today. After weeks of freezing weather, I am delighted. Especially since I burned something that shouldn’t have burned in the microwave last night and I would like to clear the air. This morning, before I left for work, I turned off the heat in every room and cracked every window. Goodbye stagnant air! I welcomed this “airing out” of my home, then my car, and now my classroom. It gives me the chance to reflect and use this as a metaphor for my life, my soul, and my mind.
Coincidentally, I have also been down and out with a horrible cold the last couple of weeks. As my energy has slowly returned over the last few days, I have been reincorporating fitness back into my daily schedule. Starting with detoxifying yoga. I did 20 minutes on Sunday, 30 Monday and so forth up to today: I twisted, stretched, and breathed through 40 minutes of Power Yoga. As I felt the sweat drip out my pores and watched it glisten as it ran down my skin, I also felt my mind clearing. For me a toxic, stagnant body leads to a toxic, stagnant mind. As I dressed and drove to work this morning I felt POSITIVITY flower out of the confusion, loneliness, and shame that had begun brewing last night.
My partner has been encouraging me to stay present and find acceptance for what I have right now. He wants me to try to stop being so mentally focused on what I want, need, and don’t have. And, instead focus on being satisfied with what I do have. In mental health treatment this is called being mindful and it is a difficult practice for me. A challenge we set for me on Monday was to try not to text him before he texts me. I have attachment issues from childhood that I am working on healing. They cause me to be in constant fear that my partner doesn’t love me, that I am not enough. I respond by seeking constant attention. Attention he is not in a place to give right now. Fighting that anxiety can be anguish at times. Yesterday he only texted me once to say good morning, but that he didn’t have time to talk. The night time was toughest; when all my tasks for the day were done. After I had found my own solutions for the problems that arose during the day. I was lonely. I felt unloved. I felt doubt and insecurity.
But today I have been blessed with warmth, sunshine, and yoga. I have been given the opportunity to air life out, detoxify my mind, and practice being in the present moment. I feel elated. I feel proud. Yesterday I met my goals. Today, I can meet them again.