Emergency (Warning Girl Problems)

Some days everything feels like an emergency. Yesterday was one of those days. I have learned that when something feels urgent the best response is to take deep breathes and wait.

So a few months ago I switched birth control to the copper iud because it has no hormones. I knew one of the side affects would be heavier periods and cramping. I have never had heavy periods or cramping. So, I figured my version of heavier wouldn’t be as bad as some of the horror stories I had read about on the internet. And it isn’t. Problem is I never really went through bad PMS or feeling ill during my period, so I am a huge baby about it. I woke up at 5:30 feeling bloated and yucky. I had a weird tingling sensation near my vulva and up towards my cervix, that felt like a combination of needing to pee and needing to poop at the same time. I had eaten about 500-1000 extra calories right before bed for the third night in a row. And I smelled. The smell is the worst. It repulses me.

I started going into panic mode. “I have to get this thing out of me now,” I was telling myself. My current partner has had a vasectomy, but I am polyamorous and I still don’t trust him to stick around. So I tried to shove the thoughts of urgency out of my mind. I did a puzzle.

I went on with my day. In the afternoon my back started to ache ever so slightly. I googled back pain and iud’s. Of course there was a Q & A feed with several women swearing that their iud had caused severe back pain. More panic sets in, the urgency grows. I imagined that I could feel it inside me. I told myself it was only a matter of time before it poked a hole in my cervix or I got debilitating back pain. I go to the Planned Parenthood website to make an appointment online. But they don’t have remove iud in the appointment reason drop down menu. It says to call. So I have to wait. And I have to call which sounds worse than having a hole poked in my uterus. I spend the rest of the work day reading articles on how to select condoms so they feel good and how to use them correctly (hey I am a study hall teacher, I have lots of free time). I doubt my ability to follow through on the condom as birth control plan. Then I realize. I am being a big baby. My cramps are mild. They don’t happen very often. My “heavy bleeding” is really not that heavy.  The urgency as finally subsided and I know it’s not an emergency anymore. I can finally think rationally again. I finally have some perspective.

I went to pick my son up after work and get a report that he struggled with doing his classwork for 45 minutes during the day. I went back into panic mode. It felt like evidence that his medication isn’t working. It felt like it needed to be upped and soon. I called the psychiatrist’s office. No they didn’t have anything sooner. I left a message for the assistant. My anxiety was mounting. I sighed heavily. My son asked me what was wrong. I was worrying. In my mind it was absolutely going to get worse and I needed to fix it now. I messaged his Behavior Support Specialist. At jui-jitsu my son refused to participate and told me he isn’t into jui-jitsu anymore. This became further evidence in my mind that my son was about to became the ADHD/ODD monster from hell and I needed to stop it. Before our lives fell apart. His BSS called me. As I told her my fears I realized it had only been a few days at school he hasn’t completed his work. A few months ago he would refuse to do his work for most of the day. I remembered how well he did at my friend’s dodge ball tournament this weekend Even though he was bored and the phone died. She pointed out that he may not have actually thrown a 45 minute fit. It may just have seemed that long to his day care provider. I calmed down. I started to realize I may have been over reacting a bit.

Last night my son told me he has been waking up at 1 am in the morning. Unable to go back to sleep he has been going on his tablet or watching Netflix. He said it usually takes him 2 hours to fall back asleep and it has been happening for two weeks. I tried not to panic. I told myself he doesn’t know how long two weeks is. This morning, he woke up at 3:30 am. When I got up to go to the bathroom. He watched tv and played on his tablet. He never went back to sleep.

It feels like an emergency…

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