Why I Am Not a Slave or 24/7 in D/s

On Saturday I wanted to please and obey Sir.

On Wednesday I wanted to please and obey Sir.

My desire to please was building, exhilarating, and deeply satisfying.

On Thursday I was a little. Not a baby girl a brat.

Sir doesn’t take good enough care of me, I thought. I give him my body. He beats me, fucks me, hurts me, and now here I am all alone. I trust him with my life and what does he do? He gives me too many rules! I can’t fuck my baby’s daddy. Pout. No one else can fuck my ass only Sir. Pout. Pout. Sir doesn’t want me to throw temper tantrums. Pout. Pout. Pout. I hate rules. Why can’t he just let me do what I want?

Sound like a submissive to you? I don’t know why, when, or how my sub state switches on and off. But it does.  It’s scary to trust someone so much. It’s scary to be so intimate.

Sir told me I could message him freely via messaging on Fet. I don’t throw a temper tantrum, but I do tell him I am feeling like he hasn’t been doing so great with after care. I tell him I am irritable and need him to do scenes with me only when he has time to be there after and the next day.

I send it and then got scared. I hope it doesn’t upset him. Am I being demanding? I don’t know. Sigh. I texted one of the men Sir recommended I not date. It’s too hard being a good girl all the time! I want my hair brushed. I want my shoulders rubbed! I want to be pampered for once. Pouty pout pout. I thought of Sir telling me to be happy with what I have and stop thinking of myself and what I want all the time. I was not doing that very well.

The man came over and pampered me. I whined about my problems and he teased me. “You poor thing”, he says,”Your only allowed to fuck three other guys besides your boyfriend AND you have to wear condoms.” Humph. Stop teasing me!

After he leaves, I check my phone.  I have a text from Sir.

“We will work on aftercare dear.”

Polyamory is hard! D/s is really really hard! But totally worth it.

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