Apparently, I am a slave. A sex slave at least. I guess I should have known this already. Since Sir has negotiated it several times: “Who’s pussy is this?”, “Who has fucked my pussy last?”, “No one else can cum in this pussy.”, and “I can fuck you whenever it pleases me.” And yes I always agree with Sir that he owns my pussy, that my body is his to take whenever he pleases, that he gets the final say on who else gets access to my body. I do it because it is hot, it makes me hot, and I love that Sir wants to control me.
However, I also have a lot of insecurities around sex. I have often been valued by men more for my sexual prowess than anything else. I don’t know why. I am so awkward in bed sometimes. Usually men just want to fuck me and not have to deal with anything else, like commitment. More than one man in my life has compared me to that song: “You’re crazy bitch, but you fuck so good I’m all over it” or whatever it says. Some of the less charming individuals have pointed out that you can’t make a hoe a housewife. Basically, I have felt that sex is the only worthwhile thing I have to offer men in a relationship.
Sir has tried to work with me on this in the past. And it has helped but I still get insecure. Even with him. I accuse him of only wanting to fuck me alot. This weekend was no exception. I was mad at Sir for not spending more time with me and he responded by threatening a drive-by fuck. Which is his version of I will come over and fuck you then leave. This is the worst punishment I could receive. The joke only made me angrier of course.
I am definitely his submissive. But, I don’t always feel obedient. After berating Sir for being such a callous jerk and making me feel like a sex object (Hello! I agreed to be his sex slave). He gave me a set of clear expectations on how I should respond to specific actions of his. To which I replied, “You must be smoking crack if you think I am going to agree to that shit.” To which he replied, “I do.”
Sigh. In fact, he said he wants it to be my mantra. I took a screen shot of the text and wrote sentences the next day to try to get it to sink in. I showed Sir the sentences when he came to see me. Here is what my sentences said.
If Sir wants to fuck me every time he is near me
Then I will be happy that I turn him on
If Sir chooses to fuck me every time he sees me
Then I will be happy that I was there to please him
If Sir has to leave soon after he fucks me
Then I will be happy he found time to be here at all
If Sir can stay after he fucks me
Then I will be happy he can hold me longer
I won’t demand or expect any of it because if I do
I will feel like Sir let me down
And Sir would never purposely disappoint me.
While Sir was here he said we needed to do more relationship things so I don’t feel like all we do is have sex. I was hoping that meant he thought he had been too hard on me. Later, I apologized for struggling with being obedient and tried to joke about telling him he must be smoking crack if he expected me to agree to those things. Again, he said “I do, though.”
Just to be sure, I asked, “So, I still have to do those things, Sir?”. He said that I did. Darn. This is going to be tough.