The two boyfriends it seems are the easiest individuals to tend to in my life right now.

Myself: I have been getting my ass to the gym every day this week. Preparing micro-nutrient smoothies for breakfast every morning and cooking and baking in order to fend off feeding our cancer cells with the evil “refined sugars and carbs”. Despite magnanimous efforts, I have still stuffed my face with said things every evening. I have not developed cancer yet, but it could happen at any moment. This leaves me pondering all the other times I tried to do this and failed. Just what is it about sugar and flour that are so seductive?

My son: In attempts to get him back into his routine and fend off horrid behavior, I have utilized daily exercise, star charts, met with his counselor, chatted with his tutor, threatened consequences and offered rewards, administered consequences and rewards, and firmly held bedtime. Said horrid behavior continues, which means the dreaded med change is in our future. No baths have been given. In my stubborn refusal to buy Eggo’s products, the child claims I have bought no groceries and has ate much less food at my house. But he did eat an entire loaf of homemade zuchinni bread. Plots to fatten him up enter my fantasies as I drive to and from work, day care, jui-jitsu, and home. He hasn’t died from cancer yet. Do kids have to avoid sugar and flour too or does he still have extra time?

My students: In attempts to keep them in class and where they say they are, I have enforced the sign-out sheet, told them no, tried to filter out the liars, got extra books for studying in the class room, ordered them to wait for the bell, and interrogated each request thoroughly.

I am exhausted. Thank god I don’t have any pets. Now how will I survive the weekend? At least I won’t have to jog on the treadmill.



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