I Miss You: A Slut’s Dilemma

Usually when I am seeing Sir regularly, I am sexually satisfied and don’t find a need for a lot of other partners. Of course this makes me nervous because it supports his theory that I am more monogamous than he is (less polyamorous?) So since Sir and I got back together a couple months ago and he told me to try not being such a slut. I have been paring down on the amount of different, regular sex partners I have in my life. Since the condom misuse (dis-use?) debacle I have been a bit afraid to look for new partners, for fear it will happen again and Sir will lose trust in me.

This has been fine, since Sir is amazing in bed. He gives me the perfect balance of love, connection, pain, and degradation to keep me more than satisfied. BF#2 is also amazing in bed, though he sees me much less and we have to use a condom. Last week due to some factors that are not sexy: parenting and hormones and one that is: Sir’s desire to have his own needs met and ignore mine, we had sex three times all of which were much shorter than usual and I only came once or twice per session.

Have I mentioned that I am a greedy lover? I prefer to cum six or seven times. So, the last time I had sex was Sunday. I came once and I was still horny after. On Monday I ignored it like a good girl. On Tuesday, I begged BF #2 to come fuck me. He was sick. By the end of the day yesterday with no word from Sir, I began concocting plans. I got a wonderful idea! I would have Sir pick a new lover for me from his friends or acquaintances. Someone who could fuck me good and be trusted to wear a condom. Then if anything went wrong, it couldn’t be my fault.

I texted Sir. He didn’t answer, so I asked BF #2 if I could run the idea by him. He didn’t understand and felt I was limiting myself to three lovers. He asked me why. He thought I wanted to be able to have an endless stream of sex. But it isn’t just about the sex. It’s about connection for me. And being a single mom, I can’t take risks, so finding a good sex partner is a lot of work. I have to meet them in public twice, then if they seem safe and I am also attracted to them then I can test them out and see if they have any sexual prowess. Then if that works out there is more drama to work out, arrangements, emotions, availability. It’s exhausting! On top of all that I have sworn off OK Cupid since it drains all my time sifting through offers or requests, explaining that I am kinky and poly, or searching through the men that actually attract me and realizing they are all 10 years younger than me. Also, after agreeing to casual sex with the 23 year old and seeing how that went with him slipping off the condom constantly and pressuring me to not use one, I remembered why I hate fucking vanilla men: they have a very different viewpoint on consent than I do.

Well none of that really matters anyways, cause Sir didn’t like my idea. His response was, “That won’t be an issue once I move though”. In other words, once he isn’t living with his jealous ex, he will have more time to fuck me and fuck me proper. Sigh. The good news is Sir doesn’t seem disappointed that I haven’t been fucking many other guys. The bad news is he isn’t moving for a few more weeks and I am horny NOW. Also, he doesn’t seem interested in helping me with my dilemma at all. Sigh. Needless to say, I made it through another day without getting my brains fucked out. And Sir made everything better this morning when he texted me three words, I rarely hear from him, that melted my heart: “I miss you.”

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