Laying on the kitchen floor. Waiting for the lorazepam to kick in so I dont hurt myself. Everything feels impossible, hopeless. I might as well hurt myself, kill myself, or get high. I have failed. I see nothing but continuous failure in my future. As long as I stay under the table I am safe.… Continue reading Suicide
It was a horrible day. When Sir came over, I was grumpy and standoffish. He asked me if I was okay and I told him no. I wasn’t anywhere near okay. I was this close to giving up. My lips curled into a frown and my chin jutted out, as I glared at Sir as… Continue reading Come here, little girl
You had a smirk on your face. Even though you were saying what you were about to tell me would make me upset. The look on your face was almost akin to pride. I tried to write it off as embarrassment. Sometimes I smile like it’s funny when I have to report something embarrassing. So… Continue reading When You Told Me
Yesterday was Sir’s birthday and, like I have always wanted to happen, he decided he wanted to spend it with me. We woke up together. Went to work together. And I was supposed to pick him up after work. But due to a mishap, that didn’t happen. So, we made plans to meet up later.… Continue reading Two boyfriends?…Again
I know. I know. It’s not my usual state, but things have been going good lately. It turns out facing my fears can really pay off. One of my fears was that Sir didn’t really love me and would never really be there for me. But I stayed with him through a lot of shit… Continue reading Happy and Excited
Sir has finally publicly claimed me as his girlfriend via Facebook. It’s almost like I am a normal human being. Of course, he put our relationship as open relationship. This is apparently an option now. So, I guess I am also out as polyamorous to all my friends and family. This makes me a little… Continue reading It’s Official
I am in love with Sir. I have been for years. I have been waiting for years for him to love me in return, in the way I want. Not as his friends or submissive, but as his girlfriend. Now he does and I am resistant to the change. Change scares me. It never feels… Continue reading Intimacy is Hard
How did I get 15 years behind? I am trying to find the positivity, the confidence, and the strength to believe in myself. I need to believe that I can become a teacher with all my heart. I need to invest myself in the risk, the choice, and overcoming the obstacles. But one thing that… Continue reading How Did I Get So Far Behind?
He works 32 hours a week at a bike shop He doesn’t pay his taxes He prefers to spend his time working on old cars, playing video games, playing softball, and making BDSM toys He wants to fuck a 21 year old virgin He doesn’t take a shower everyday? He doesn’t want to be in… Continue reading Reasons to Not Date Sir
Sir and I had another normal boyfriend/girlfriend date. He invited me over to his new place for dinner. Then we went back to my place to spend the night. We took a shower together while he bitched about something mundane to me that was upsetting him. In my mind I was thinking: this is the… Continue reading The Assignment
Go Gracie. 